Entomology has been added to our list of caravanning skills!

Around sunset the light fades, the caravan takes on a brilliance which attracts anything small that flies, it’s not hummingbirds or owls I’m referring to but insects, in fact even during the day we encounter them. Blanche as ever, has a plan.

This starts with getting up, showering, looking at the weather forecast, and putting some sunscreen on if it looks promising. The sunscreen is then liberally sprayed with deet, or some other strong-smelling insect detractant. The yellow Poundland swatter is ready, Stella is looking nervous, she doesn’t like the swiping, as we are to start our outdoor-living day.  

When outside, repellent is topped up regularly, and if it has not done its job, out comes the roll-on-insect-bite-relief-bottle which is liberally applied over the layers of sunscreen and repellent. We swat away as if in a virtual tennis game, arms flailing, never making contact. We have heavier weapons, an electronic zapper, but that is saved for later.

So having survived the sunshine we light the mostly useless but romantic citronella candles, we watch the sunset, drink our wine, have an aromatic, fly repelling nightcap, then get ready for battle..

We close the door, draw the flyscreens, turn off all unnecessary lights, but still they come! The heavy-duty insect spray is liberally applied, to the point of uncontrollable covid coughing , sometimes it sets off the fire alarm. The electronic zapper is switched on, Stella has a hissy fit (yes dogs do have them as well) so it is turned off again as the killer mist descends.

Blanche sprays the sheets, the duvet, the pillows, we listen, buzz, buzz buzz !. Blanche retreats under the duvet, Steve, now uncovered, turns the lights on again, gets the swatter and zapper, calms a hissy-fitting dog, as he chases the millimetre or so of flying buzz-buzz around the caravan. A mysterious hand appears from the duvet, and Blanche sprays until we are faint. Sometimes we are successful, the fly sees its arse. Sometimes we are not and get bitten on a similar area.

In the morning the first thing we do, even before that first cuppa, is inspect anything that wasn’t covered by the duvet, the bite roll on cream is applied generously and we start our entomological day again, thanking the lord we don’t have a tent.

Here’s some of the insects Blanche has unfortunately succumbed to along the way, except the wasp, which was Steve’s exclusive pleasure that one !!